Venting at 2 am

So here I am again; it's almost 230 am and I can't sleep. There are too many thoughts in my head jumping around like baby rabbits on crack. This is a major problem. I hate that I am so pathetic. I can't even sleep. I want to, desperately, but everytime I close my eyes I see him. I should be used to it by now, it's been 3 weeks, but I still can't get over it. I miss his smell. I miss his laugh. I miss talking. Sometimes I can still feel his arms around me holding me close, keeping me safe. I wonder if it was all a lie. Was I dreaming? Did I really think I could be that happy forever? Life's funny like that, one minute you think you're on top of the world and the next that same world is falling apart. Now, you might say I'm overreacting, that I'm being too dramatic. Maybe I am. All I know for sure is that I'm laying in my bed at 230 in the morning unable to sleep even though I have to work in 5 1/2 hours because I'm afraid of what I might see when I close my eyes.

Life, Lessons, and Love

I've been learning a lot about life lately. Don't take anything for granted. You never know when something is going to end so hold onto it as long as you can. People don't change, no matter how much you want them to. Your family are really the only people who will always be there for you. I know these are all cliche's but they are true. The most important thing I've learned though is that love is something that is truly amazing. Love can change your entire life. Being in love is the most wonderful thing in the world. Once you find love I would suggest that you do whatever you need to to keep it, forever. Because losing love is the worst feeling. Losing the one person who can make your entire day go from a -72 to a +63 with three words is not easy. Having to live everyday knowing that the only person who knows your darkest secrets is the one person you can't talk to kills. Going through life without your best friend sucks. Having to pretend that you're okay when really all you want to do is cry for the next 5 years is not something I would wish on anyone. So this is my advice to you: live everyday the best you can. Savor the moments you get to spend with the people you love. When you do find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with don't let anything stand in your way. Fight for what you believe in and for the love you share. In the end nothing else matters. Trust me when I say that.

Debie + Dr Pepper = Good Stuff!!! :D

i LOVE dr pepper. It makes me happy. If I could drink it everyday and not get fat I totally would. But I can't so the few times I do drink it I love it!!

So I really suck at this....

I decided that I really suck at this blogging thing. My life isn't even really that interesting so I don't know why I set this up. I guess I like to pretend people care about what I say and think and this is just another way to make myself feel like someone does. Not alot has happened since my last entry. I got transferred to a different store. I'm now working at Harman-Luke in Riverton. It's alot busier than my old store so that's fun. Mike is my manager and he's a great guy but kinda crazy. I don't know how I feel about him just yet. The thing that sucks about workng so much and not having a life outside of work is that you get so attached to everyone you work with that when you move you don't have any friends. Seriously, I really don't.

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I feel the way I do all the time, which is pretty much depressed and lonely. I haven't come up with anything yet except that I am a loser and have no life.

My Exciting Life

This is the extent of my exciting life:

WEDNESDAY

• wake up at 10:30
• go to my parents house at 12
• put laundry in
• watch American Idol
• check Facebook
• make this list
• take laundry home
• watch Friends
• go back to parents at 7 and watch American Idol
• go to bed

Yeah, that's my Wednesday.

The New Year

So I really suck at this whole "blogging" thing. I blame my job and that I have to work all the time. Anyway, since it's my day off I decided to take some time and update this a little.

I can't believe it's already 2009. This last year went by so fast for me. I guess working 40-60 hours a week can do that to you though. I've been thinking alot about this last year and everything that has happened to me to bring me to where I am today. It's crazy when I think about all the things I might have missed out on if I had made a different decision or stuck with something else. For instance, if I had decided not to take up Katie's offer and work at KFC my life would be so different. I wouldn't have this great job that might suck sometimes, but I still love it. I would not hve met some of the most amazing people I know including Steven who is the best part of my life right now. I can't even imagine my life without him and it's crazy to think that he wouldn't be in it if not for that one choice I made.

Ok, enough with the reminiscing, on to the exciting news! I got a pet tortoise!! Actually, Amy and Holli got me a pet tortoise but the important thing is that I have her!! She's a Russian Tortoise and I named her Clohe. She's the cutest thing ever and I am so excited to have her! I don't know how to put pictures up yet but maybe I can figure it out and put some of her up. We'll see how that goes...